Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Today marks 20 years of marriage for the ball & chain and me.  20 years.  2 decades.  2x10 years.  4x5 years.  A looooooong time.  I consider myself lucky.  With over half of marriages today ending in divorce, most within the first 5 years, 20 is an amazing feat.  It means we've survived the 7 year itch (and the 14 year one too!).  We've gotten through those first awkward years of getting to know one another from...ahem...bathroom habits to what NOT to cook for him.  We've gone through better and worse and (hopefully) worst.  We are looking forward to going through best. 

Here we are May 30, 1992.  So young.  So full of hope.  Tony looks like he wants to run. And yes, I took this photo with my iPhone because I was too technologically impaired to scan it.

So how have we done that?  I really can't tell you.  Certainly, we fit the old adage of "opposites attract."  He's quiet; I'm chatty.  He'd like to stay home; I'd rather go out.  He likes Moe; I'm into 80's hair bands.   In fact, this past weekend, my friend remarked over caramel vodka and Godiva shooters, that if she didn't know us and we put him in a line-up, she'd NEVER pick him out as my husband. 
He could be the one 2nd from the left.  Nope, that's Joe Pesci.  They have the same scowl.

I often wonder if it was dumb luck or hard work that has made the difference.  It certainly doesn't FEEL like work.  I mean, I find myself looking back and wondering where 20 years have gone.  I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. 
See how fast it's flying???

I guess if I had advice to give to young people (ok, watch it, I AM still a spring chicken!!!), it would be this:  communicate, communicate, communicate.  I know it sounds incredibly dumb, but I can tell that man almost anything.  I can tell him if I've flirted with the waiter at a bar.  I can tell him if I'm sad.  I can tell him if I'm happy.  I can tell him about my explosive diarrhea (ok, I usually don't share THAT sort of stuff).  But we talk.  I LOVE talking to him.  When we were first newlyweds, we used to talk about our future--where we would be in 20 years.  3 kids, 2 houses, and umpteen jobs later, we still talk about our future...mostly how the hell we're paying for the kids' college, which is looming dangerously close. 

I'd also say that laughter is the best medicine for stressful times.  We laugh a lot.  Most people who meet my husband don't know what a funny guy he is.  But he's funny and fun.   I giggle a lot when I'm with him (and not just in bed!)  If you can laugh your way through it, it will get better.

Finally, I would say that the thing I have the most trouble with but the thing that we do pretty well is letting go of ego stuff.  Who cares if he got to go to Foxborough to see the Ravens play the Patriots while I stayed home?  Who cares if I got to go visit a friend in Florida while he stayed home with the kids?  When you start playing tit for tat, it leads to resentment, and that's no laughing matter.

So, 20 years has gone by.  I will say that this man is my soulmate, the love of my life, and my friend.  My hope for all of you is that you have that too or find it.  It makes for a great little life. I leave you with the song that he sings every anniversary:

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on your 20 years! Hope you had a great anniversary!