Adulthood, Responsibilities, and Alice Cooper

So, last Saturday, I became the parent of an adult.  No, I didn't go adopt some poor underprivileged 35 year old from the seedy side of town (Tony never lets me have any fun).  My son turned 18. 

Isn't he a good-lookin' thing?  Takes after his mama!

Now, I know you're thinking, "How can this be?   She's so young, so full of life.  She can't be much more than 18 herself!" 

No really, you ARE thinking that, RIGHT???

But no, I am the parent of an 18 year old, and I didn't really have him at the age of 6.   And if you're thinking this is shocking, imagine how I feel.

It seems like just yesterday that I was holding this tiny little baby with tufts of black hair in my arms.  Boy, was I scared.  I mean, I could've DROPPED that bundle...like on the floor...which wasn't clean...because I'm a horrible housekeeper and always was.  Where did that last 18 years go?    It sure went by fast.

But I hope that he has a few years of fun left before he's saddled with the drudgery that most of us adults face:  bills, family responsibilities. You know--pay your bills, go to work, raise your children, die.
Ok, maybe not.   After all, he's 18, and he don't know what he wants.

Right, Alice?

But I know what I want for him.  A good life.  

Paperwork & Nostalgia

Here's a quote from the late Frank Zappa that has really been fitting my life in the last week and a half: 

"It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia."

Yeah, THAT Frank Zappa...father of Moon Unit and Dweezil...rock god....visionary...dead.

I have said before that the months of September through June are a whirlwind of running and working and craziness that exhaust me.  Love my job...really...but every year, there is more paperwork...more and more forms to fill out in triplicate...more tree killin'.  

TIMBERRRRRRRR....

This year has been no exception.  When I started in special education years ago, IEPs (that's Individualized Education Plans for you lay folks) were like 8 pages long...half the time, that INCLUDED the signature page.  Nowadays, the IEP is around 23 pages long...and that's not even considered one of the complicated ones.  Yep, that's 15 extra pages of legal mumbo jumbo, filler, and jargon. And let's not start on all the extra forms that need to be filled out.  Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork...It seems to have taken over my life.

Send in a rescue squad!!!

But let's not forget the 2nd part of Zappa's quote...nostalgia.  With all this paperwork, nostalgia for summertime has also run rampant in my head.  I miss the carefree days of 2 weeks ago.  I miss my youth when I didn't have anything to do but go to school and worry whether the boy I liked liked me back.  I miss the days of being the supported, not the supporter.  It can be quite a stressful feeling to want to go back. 

Because who WOULDN'T wanna go back to high school 80s hair and clothes???

 So, bring on the fire and ice.  I'm not afraid.  Because I've faced paperwork and nostalgia and lived to tell about it.  But something tells me, Mr. Zappa may have a point...

Back To School...

There's a Staples commercial that has been on around this time every year for the last few years.  Perhaps you've seen it.  A father skipping playfully through the store to the tune of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" while his melancholy kiddos follow sadly behind and the voice-over announces happily, "They're going back [to school]..."  Yeah this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcYbo7pjto



Sadly, not every parent is excited about the beginning of a new school year.  Say if you're a teacher...um, like me...you might not be quite as excited.  You might even want to cry into your Froot Loops when you roll out of bed at 9 or 10 am for the last time for 10 months. 

Yeah, like this...

Tomorrow, I will be back to work again.  Now let me just say, I'm grateful to have "work" to go back to.  Many people do not have a job right now.  And I really do love what I do.  I didn't JUST become a teacher for the 2 and a half month vacation.  I really, REALLY love being a teacher. 

No, I really, really do love it!!!

But I know that with the start of school comes the start of the 10 month mayhem that I call my life.  Every year, it gets busier and more jam-packed.  Every year, it gets more exhausting (probably because I'm getting old and crotchety).  So, I take a deeeeeeep breath and head to the starting line again. 

I

On your mark, get set...

But lest you think me ungrateful for the summer I've had, here are my top 10 picks (not in any order) of the things that made my summer blessed:

1.  I am grateful for the time spent with my children.  We spent a quality summer together.
2.  I am grateful that I was able to have quality time with the ball & chain when he was able to take off work (especially Date Night at the wine bar).
3.  I am grateful that I got to go to King's Dominion TWICE in one summer.
4.  I am grateful that I was able to spend some great quality time with 3 great gals in North Carolina.
 5.  I am grateful for the family reunion with my cousins, aunts, and uncles in New Jersey.
6.  I am grateful for an entire summer spent at the pool soaking up that Vitamin D and socializing with friends.
7.  I am grateful for beautiful weather throughout the summer.
8.  I am grateful for sleeping in on many days.
9.  I am grateful for chasing chickens and goats at a farm with good friends (and food that was soooo yummy!).
10.  I am grateful for summer evenings at the carnivals. 

So, goodbye, Summer 2012.  I will miss you terribly.  But it's going to be a terrific school year, and I will look forward to your sibling, Summer 2013. 

Breathing Room

Last weekend, I went on a girls' weekend with 2 friends to visit a 3rd friend in Ashville, North Carolina. 


We spent the weekend drinking, talking, drinking some more, laughing, singing, drinking, ziplining, and drinking...oh, and we drank a little, too. 

A Grrrlz Weekend favorite

I have gone away from my family a couple of times in the 20 years I've been married.  I find that it gives me some breathing room.  I'm not unhappy in my life, nor do I want out of my situation.  In the spirit of recent posts, let me just state right now that I feel blessed to have such a wonderful, loving husband and 3 awesome children (remind me I said they're awesome when they've worked on a nerve or 2). 

Yeah, that nerve...

It's just that every now and then, I need a break.  Not a long one.  But a break.  Breathing room.  Time to be me--not Mom or wife or teacher or taxi driver.  Time when I can visit new places and try new things...all on my own. 

This year's "new thing" to try--Navitat Canopy Adventures.  Not me in this pic but I did this zipline. 

I had an awesome time.  I bonded with some great gals, and I pushed myself on a zipline.  And I came back--better mother, wife, and person for it.  And THAT is yet another blessing to count.

Still Rocking The Gratitude

I kinda imagined Joey saying that last part.

So it has been 2 weeks since I resolved to write my blessings and have gratitude for EVERYTHING I could possibly think of.  How am I doing? 

I would like to say:

 I'M DOIN' AWESOME.  HOW YOU DOIN'?

Gratitude has been surprisingly easy.  I think I was already a thankful person--my life has had some lows that I wouldn't wish on anyone else, but I always seem to find my way out of the funk that follows and move into a better state of mind.

Pretty much from the first day I started keeping track of my blessings, I began to have "good luck."  Things seem to work out better these days.  Maybe it's just a happy attitude.  I am definitely happier.  I am definitely not always happy.  Negativity can wear me down and I fall into that same pattern of bitchin' and complainin'. 

But the good news is, I'm becoming more aware of when this is happening, and on at least a couple of occasions, I was able to find positivity in the negative and bring myself out of a potential ungrateful feeling.

 

It all goes down to whatcha momma taught you.  Say, "thank you."  It costs nothing, and it  makes you focus on good. 

She'd probably also tell you to wear clean underwear...just in case you're in a car accident, but I digress...

I hope that I can remember this as summer winds down, and I head back to work.  Oh, and...

THANK YOU FOR WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME EVEN IF IT'S JUST READING MY BLOG. 

Attitude Is Everything

A few friends of mine posted the following sign on Facebook this morning, but I can't get it to copy into this blog, so I'll just give you the gist:

karma cleanse

*  be grateful

*  act with love

*  check your motives

*  watch your attitude

*  forgive

(it had cute little emoticons on it and everything--this is irritating!)


It really fits with my mindset lately.  The hardest bit of advice for me to follow has been the gratitude.   I think somewhere in the last year, I have been on a roller coaster ride that keeps dipping into the negative.  I am not sure that I have been grateful on a regular basis.  Or at least, I have let myself dwell in the things I don't have rather than the blessings I've been given. 

I am one of those people who see-saws between Pollyanna and Negative Nelly.  When I'm up, there is nothing that I can't do.  I can be Queen of the Universe. 

See?  The Queen.  Doncha fuhgit it!

When I'm down, I'm really down.  The whole world caves in. 

Kinda like this but without the call to my homeowner's insurance.

But I am seeing more and more that there are so many things in my life for which to to be grateful.  I am currently reading this book that suggests that I write down 10 blessings in my life every day for 28 days.  But the book says don't just write down the blessings, write WHY I am grateful for them.  The blessings I can rattle off easily.  On the 2nd day, I actually was an overachiever and wrote TWENTY blessings. 

I'm gonna put this on my refrigerator

But it's the WHY part that's hard, or maybe just the verbalizing the why.  Why is it a blessing that I have been married to the same man for 20 years?  (ok, that's an easy one)  Why is my job a blessing?  My house?   The air I breathe?    It's forced me to think about why I am thankful for the very good things in my life.  But that in turn has made me even more grateful for those things. 

And it's also hard to come up with 10 new things each day.  I sometimes repeat.  I sometimes have trite, odd blessings and reasons (yesterday, I wrote that I was grateful for the rain because I could sit around and be lazy all day).  But I've noticed that I FEEL happier. 

Of course, I'm only on Day 3 of doing this.  I know that there will be days where I don't feel it or where things beyond my control put me in a negative mood.  But I need to find the blessing in what I can learn from the bad things and remember to glance at the Serenity Prayer that sits above my refrigerator. 

This is actually a tattoo.   I'm not sure I'd have the patience or pain tolerance to sit through a tattoo any more.

Most of all, I need to remember that attitude is everything. It defines who you are, so if you have a good one, life will be much happier. 

"Don't worry.  Be happy."

Deja Vu

Yesterday, the kids had their annual doctor's appointments.  For the most part, visits to the doctor are pretty stress-free, the occasional fear that there will be shot (mostly from the 17 year old), a few uncomfortable moments when the doctor has to look at private parts.  But yesterday, we had something brand new. 

Body image issues.  

It seems that the daughter put on some weight.  I won't say how much, but it was enough to set her over the edge.  See, apparently, the Wii Fit (see my post from yesterday) was NOT just being maniacal and causing trouble.  No, apparently, sonny boy lied when he said Wii Fit had weighed him 15 pounds heavier, so the weight that my daughter fretted about throughout the day was actually correct by the doctor's scale as well.  And THAT was a problem.  

I hate you!  I hate you!  I hate you!

I have often said that my daughter is way more level-headed than I was as a teen.  She is not super boy-crazy.  She is confident in herself.  She has good judgment.  I guess I got cocky.  I guess I figured she was immune to those nagging and often paralyzing blows to self-confidence that plagued my teenagehood.

I guess I was wrong.

One stupid number on a scale ruined her entire day.  She refused to eat.  She went to bed at 8.  She told me that she is "unlikable" and that she didn't need this kind of stress (I believe the stress of watching what she eats).  I tried to be supportive.  I tried to tell her that if her clothes didn't fit differently, she was probably fine.  I tried to tell her that she was still well within the range of healthy.  It didn't matter.

It hadn't mattered with me either.

So, my fear is that she will end up like me...on an endless barrage of diets and exercise regimes...constantly feeling bad about what I eat and what I look like.  I have tried not to show that dark side to her.  I have not overtly complained about my weight or the way I look.  But maybe I sent nonverbal signals.  Maybe I modeled something I didn't intend.  Or maybe she's fallen into the all-too-typical teen girl angst of poor self-image like so many of her friends.  I know of at least 1 who is always on a diet.

So how do I teach her to love herself?  How do I make her see that a number on a scale doesn't define who you are when I often find myself thinking that it does?  It's deja vu all over again, and it's a roller coaster ride I really wish she could skip.  

Here we go again