10 (ok, not quite) Commandments

One of the things that I love about being a teacher is that every summer, I get to read stuff that is not required for teaching, school, or my job.  This summer, I picked up Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.  While I consider myself a relatively happy person (she considers herself happy too), I liked the advice and the mindfulness to be happy that is the focus of the book.  One of the things that she does is list her "commandments," rules and advice that she lives by.  Her very first one, "Be Gretchen", is probably the best and hardest advice to take. 

So, I have been thinking about my own "commandments."  And I decided to share what I came up with.  The list is certainly not exhaustive, nor do I harbor any fantasies that it will stay the same as the years wear on.  Sadly, I wish I always followed my commandments, but like the ones in the Bible, they are ideals and NOT always easy. 

So, here they are.  They may not be yours.  You may think they are crazy or unrealistic (some I'd agree).  But they are what's in my head today. 

1.  Be happy and be grateful.  I think this is the hardest one.  I am not always happy.  I am not always grateful.  However, last summer's reading (a book called Magic by the same author as The Secret) inspired me to start a gratitude journal.  I try to write 10 things for which I'm grateful everyday.  It is not always easy.  It doesn't always happen.  However, I am finding that it keeps me from dwelling on the bad things in life, the disappointments, the negativity.  And who isn't happier when there is positivity in your life?  There is a trending hashtag on Twitter called #firstworldproblems that makes fun of the things we think are tragedies. (Example:  "I had to wait 20 minutes in the bank line and now my friend is mad at me #firstworldproblems")  While I do not believe that I never have the right to feel sad, it keeps some things in perspective.

2.  Don't cry over spilled milk, but for goodness sake, wipe it up!  If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.  My kids are messy, and they spill.  I nag my children regularly to clean up after themselves.  However, when I screw up, I tend to either beat myself up for it ("Another bounced check?  I'm an idiot!")  or not learn from it ("Another bounced check.").  The "crying over the spilled milk part" I think I have under control.  It's the "wiping it up" part that seems to get me regularly. 

3.  "Carpe diem" but not every diem.  I hear regularly from people that they are amazed at all the stuff we do--sports, scouts, tree plantings, school functions, etc.  I got into the habit of feeling very guilty during non-busy periods of my life.  Why?  This is something both my husband and I struggle over.  My kids are not going to be irrevocably scarred because they missed a soccer game.  Not everyday has to produce some kind of greatness.  At the same time, we can go through very lazy periods (probably brought on by exhaustion and poor planning) where we do absolutely nothing.  I think there is a balance.  

4.  Be kind.  I have at times had a sarcastic sense of humor.  When I look back at some of my social media posts, I am not always very nice.  My husband and kids are quite frequently the targets for sarcasm, complaint, or otherwise.  In my personal life, friends who get on my nerves can warrant less-than-compassionate responses.  I have really made an effort to be kinder and gentler.  Gretchen Rubin talks about "cutting friends slack" and I like that idea.  Meeting people where they are is usually a much happier method of dealing with things. That does not mean I take abuse or allow meanness back.  There's a shirt in a lot of novelty stores that says "Mean People Suck" and they do.  But I do not think all people are intentionally nasty or hateful or directing their baggage at me on purpose.  Kindness can help, even if it kills 'em.  

5.  It doesn't last forever.  In bad times, this is a good thing.  In good times, this can be a rather sad thing.  I will never have my kids' infancy and toddler years back.  Any time that I wasted wishing those years away cannot be undone.  My parents are both gone.  Losing them has given me a keen sense of how fleeting time is.  However, in the bad times, this thought gets me through because I know it will change or get better.  

6.  Accept criticism, accept praise.  I used to be the queen of the "Yeah buts..."  Here's what I mean.    Friend:  "You look great."  Me:  "Yeah but I need to lose x pounds."; Boss: "You could have done x to improve your teaching."  Me:  "Yeah but you caught me on a bad day."   I am really working on responses that don't include excuses.  Criticism?  Give it some credence if it's valid.  Praise?  Just say, "thank you."  I have enough "but(t)" already!

7.  It's ok to be a quirky nerd mom who does not fit into a size 5 any more.  This advice is similar to Rubin's "Be Gretchen."  I find as I get older, I like me.  I am not perfect.  I have a big blue Tardis in my basement.  I know more about Star Wars than most people I know.  I have to pluck chin hairs out of my face.  But I find if I don't compare myself to others, if I don't worry about how others see me, I am happier and others seem to like me more anyway.  It goes back to Commandment #1.  I am grateful for who I am.  

That's as many as I can muster today.  Do I always follow my commandments?  Nope.  But I do find value in writing them down.  I hope that you find value in reading them, but if not, that's ok too.  Below is the link to Gretchen Rubin's blog--free advertisement for her, I know, but inspiring to me.  

 http://www.happiness-project.com

The Doctor Will See You Now...and Now...and Now

So, I am calling this summer Summer of the Endless Doctor Visits.  It seems as though I have spent quite a bit of it running from one doctor to the next to the next.  Kid appointments are pretty much standard.  I am a teacher, so I make those intentionally or the summer:  yearly physical, 6 month dental.  No, I am talking about MY doctor visits, which are way more annoying and scary. 

I am not one for the doctor.  I don't go when I'm sick.  I don't go when I'm well.  I pretty much have avoided all doctors relatively successfully for years. 

I wouldn't avoid THIS Doctor.  How could I, with 2 kids and a hubby who are fans?  (Well and I'm a closet fan too).

But I'm getting older (42--the answer to "life, the universe, and everything"--check out my April birthday post).  And my friends are getting a bit more forceful about making me take care of myself. 

They are hammering it in my head, so to speak.  Some have threatened real hammers. 

It's just that now, one doctor appointment has spiraled into 2 and 2 into 4.  Ugh!  When will it end???  I've had my boobies squished, my cholesterol checked, my leg poked and X-rayed, will have a skin check from a dermatologist, and if I don't make that GYN appointment soon, my one friend has threatened to call the office herself to make my appointment.  (Hey 11 years is not that unreasonable, right???)

Sorry, Judge Judy does not agree...

But the truth is, I needed the proverbial kick in the arse.  It's been shamefully overdue.  And so far, the news has been all good.  But I can tell you, I'd much rather hang out with the David Tennant incarnation of The Doctor than make one more appointment this summer. 

Another Year Down

As of today, another school year has ended.   We teachers have packed up our classrooms, had our annual luncheon, said our goodbyes, and turned in our keys.  School's out for summer. 

Sing it, Alice!

It's been a tough year for our staff.  Our team leader was promoted mid-year, leaving us to fill the holes as we tried to fill her position.  Several...far too many...of our staff lost very close family members-children, spouses, siblings.  Paperwork increased, responsibilities multiplied, and pay stayed the same (really, decreasing as cost of living went up). 

But there have been many good times too.  Just today, we danced to Just Dance 4 (don't tell the Ortho--I'm probably not supposed to be dancing around on a bum calf but I didn't really do much leg moving).  Faculty meeting with a side of B.S. Bingo (didn't win).  Wedding showers, baby showers, celebrations.  Laughing with students.   Those times are what we hold onto as teachers.  It doesn't make the bad times any better, but it gives a small bright spot in the stressful times. 

So, goodbye, school, for a couple of months.  See you in August.

Big things...

Last week were two big milestones in my life. 

Not my wedding cake, but if I was going to get married again or renew my vows, this would be a cute cake to have.

The first was that it was my 21st wedding anniversary.  That's a pretty big deal in of itself just because that's a long long time to put up with another person.  But it's also a big deal because it means that I have officially been married half my life. 

Yep.  On May 30, 1992, the day I got married, I was 21 years old.  So, I have had this last name as long as I had my maiden name.  Half...my...life. 

May 30, 1992

And I still like my husband.  Hell, I'll say it.  I love him as much (if not more) than the day we got married.  That is rare in today's world, I'm told, and given the divorce rate, I half believe it. 

The second milestone was running my first 10K yesterday morning.  Now, I ran my first Half Marathon back in January, so this may seem anti-climatic, but it was a pretty big deal for me.  I love to run.  Love it.  And I have never run a 10K.  And that Half was on flat ground--this 10K was HILLY.  Oh, and hot.  It was 75 degrees at the start of the race and temps rose pretty darned quickly.  I also did this race with a good friend, and it was nice to have a mini-girl's weekend, even if we were putting ourselves through major torture to do so. 

Good motto.

So, last night was a celebration of my two milestones.  My wonderful hubby took me out to dinner and we ended up in our favorite wine bar.  They even gave us $2 off because it was our anniversary!!!  Big things happened this week. 

And it only gets better from here...

Fly paper

It's been a long couple of weeks, these last few that lead up to the end of the school year.  Busy, busy, busy all the time and feeling just a little overwhelmed.  Ok, A LOT overwhelmed.

These days, I feel like I'm a fly stuck on fly paper.  I try to wrestle myself free but the more I wrestle, the more I get stuck.

Eww!  Gross!

And I'm stuck there with all my other fly friends, wiggling and watching the others succumb to the stickiness or starvation or whatever it is that finally causes them to breathe their last breath.  And I wonder why I ended up on this metaphor of fly paper. 

Maybe it was the stinkbug I found in my hair today. 

Yep, it was In.My.Hair.

Actually, a student pointed out to me.  Well, she screamed.  Then the substitute teacher in the room also squealed and knocked it out of my hair.  So maybe I'm more feeling like a stinkbug on flypaper...except that's kind of dumb and there are no google images to support that metaphor. 

Life, the universe, and everything...

So, last Friday, I turned 42.  Yep, 2 more than my "magic age" of 40, which was the age my mother passed on and haunted me (well, scared the bejesus out of me) for 39 years and 364 days.  But I passed that milestone and now I'm 42, which, my daughter tells me is "the answer to life, the universe, and everything." 

For you less savvy (read:  nerdy) folk, it's a reference to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Remind me why I made her a sci-fi nerd?

Duh!  So, she'd watch all 6 episodes of Star Wars with you, Steph!

So, here I am, at the apex of life, the universe, and everything, and I pretty much know I have the answers to absolutely NOTHING. 

Nada.

I'm empty space.

Sing it, Pink Floyd (and your sexual flowers!). 

But I'm not stressing it too much.   Nope, not one single bit....because here's a secret.  NO ONE has those answers.  Not me, not my friends, not my siblings, not my bosses, not people who are twice my age.  And that's ok. 


See, one of the things I love about living (aside from the whole not-being-dead-thing) is that I am always learning, always growing. 

No, not THAT  kind of growing!!!

And it's that growth that keeps life interesting, me interesting.  (you all ARE interested, right?).  Or maybe it's just the wine I've had tonight. 

Because tonight, I feel like I have all the answers to life, the universe, and everything.  But I wish I knew what my questions were...

Ready For Spring

It's snowing again and schools are closed.  As a teacher, I live for snow days, those blissful days of sitting on Facebook all day and reading books and eating until my butt fills up the couch cushions. 

Yeah...like this, except I'd prefer a glass of wine to the beer.

But truthfully, a March snowstorm just depresses me.   I really want spring.  I really, REALLY am ready for summer.  At this point, I want warm weather, lazy days by the pool sipping Sangria out of a box, sunny runs outside, and no stresses. 

Mr. Pool Boy, bring that Reisling over here.

You see, at this point in the school year, we are knee-deep in state testing.  This week started our state math assessment.  We are missing Day 2 today.  I just want it over with.  I just want to fast-forward to June.  I'm not wishing my life away, but I also am one who gets bored with stagnant, and I feel stagnant in the winter.  I would sooooo like to dig out. 

I can see you, Spring.  You're almost here!